(no subject)

I'm sitting at work right now, I love being up in the morning when I actually sleep at night. I was actually so passed out last night that when I woke up I realized I had been sleeping on my keys!

I have been really relaxed this whole week even though I've been all over the place mentally and physically. It's been good for me. I have broken a really long really bad streak of pessimism. I don't know why but I'm so antisocial by nature always have been, I've always needed friends that practically force me to hang out. But this last week I've done my best to not retreat to that attitude of mine. I always need a little help however from some one that I can understand a little better a little easier than anyone else, I definitely had that help. I'm so glad he's here I can hardly think about anything else.
  • Current Music
    The beatles - Do you want to know a secret?

Back in the saddle again.

I've been thinking for a really long time now, and I can't quite put my finger on what point at which this thing happened to me, or what it is really. I feel as though a slow and subtle change has occurred over the years and I lost myself with it. Part of me thinks this is due to growing up, changing, realizing who you are as an adult... And yet another part of me knows that I've compromised much of the person I used to be in this process. I feel like I've lost a lot of interest in the world and in some people, growing apart is quite definitely the most confusing aspect. Sadly there are some people I've forced to grow apart from me. I never meant to, I never meant to do a lot of things but I did. Even against my own will, that might have been my self destructive side at its best.

The degree of clarity and peace of mind that I have now is not quite what it used to be, but then again maybe I'm just romanticizing my own memories. I've heard that the most painful parts of a person's life are often looked back on as the best ones, I agree because that's when I learn the most about myself. Maybe I just need to start embracing these thoughts and and I'll be able to also embrace a bit of clarity and focus again. Oh the paradox of life.

Somewhere along the line I let myself crash and burn, but finally I feel like coming back to life and putting myself in my best interest for real.
  • Current Music

mr. sinatra why are you so amazing?

"Don't worry 'bout me
I'll get along
Forget about me
Be happy my love

Let's say that our little show is over
And so the story ends
Why not call it a day, the sensible way
And still be friends

Look out for yourself
Should always be the rule
Give your heart and your love, to whomever you love
Don't you be a fool

Darling why stop to cling, to some fading thing
That used to be
If you can't forget
Don't you worry 'bout me"

I'm wiritting some essays right now and remember why I love shuffle on itunes so much, it just makes life easier.
  • Current Music
    Frank sinatra - don't worry about me

I love antique shops

Recently I went to a garage sale and bought a set of 6 gold rimmed martini glasses thinking I could find a tray and glass bottle to go with them and it would just be a cool thing to have around. I don't live on my own but i just love collecting shit so whatever. I went antique shopping with my mom yesterday and we found a peeerfect mirrored tray and bottle after much searching to go along. I also found a japanese paper wallet. She also went to a garage sale a couple weeks ago and bought me a dope ass trunk. I'm thinking about painting it but i kinda like it the way it is... Collapse ) I'm also starting a new job on Monday which i'm really excited about because i really need to have my own money and a work schedule again. I'm going to be busy but it will be worth it.
  • Current Music
    cool calm pete - get with the times

ugh today makes me sad.

"That's what John Lennon is, more than a musician. He's like Martin Luther King: a flawed human being who rose above his own flaws to inspire other people. And you can't ask more of a human being than that."
-Bob Gruen friend of john lennon

  • Current Music
    oh yoko